Monday, 23 August 2010

What the heck's wrong with me?

I don't get this anymore. What the hell's wrong with me? I've had serious sleeping problems for like - three month's now. I somehow keep waking up all the time (that is the case, if I happen to fall asleep) and there's no reason why. I've been seeing a doctor and visited a psychiatrist but they don't know what's wrong (and I've been in accupuncture but..). They say that at this point, being slept so little (about 2-4 hours a night, sometimes not at all), I shouldn't be able to stay awake or WORK at all. But I somehow seem to be able to be completely normal, do my work and stuff. And the most insane thing here is that I don't feel sleepy. I want to sleep but I don't feel sleepy. I just have energy. This's scaring me. I've always been a good sleeper. But now the smallest noises are bothering me even though they used to calm me down in the past. Last night, the harmless ticking of a clock almost drove me crazy. It was somehow very distressing. I felt distressed most of the time last night, even though - again - I have no reason!

I thought, maybe it's the bed (I've tested if I could sleep better on better bed - but no), I'm hoping it's just the anxiety of trying to find a new apartment bugging me unconsiously.. But then again, I've been in these kind of situations before and slept well even though I've been about to be kicked out the next day. I'm a happy-go-lucky type of a person.

This sucks. Sometimes I even cry 'cause, hell, I don't know what's going on. What if I won't sleep anymore - ever? No medicine works. I'm lost, I need somebody to confort me and say it's gonna be okay. I feel like a child calling her mom. And sometimes in the middle of the night when I'm still awake I really need a mom - any mom. Somebody. This sounds so stupid...

Luckily I'm gonna go and see a energy healer (or something like that), 'cause really, I'm done with doctors. I hope she can help me. At least she says so.

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