Friday, 30 March 2012

Past life examination and general speculation

So today I was, fot the second time, seeing a hypnotherapist who's supposted to help me with my insomnia. I also asked her if we could try out bringing up past lives so that's what we did today. I wasn't so deeply in the hypnosis that I could tell anything for sure but this's what we got:

When I was asked about a place I got England, countryside. I saw a field and a tree and an emtry of a small house. The door was the back door, in the middle of a small garden. Then I got some corner of a white low-build house, I somehow was thinking it served as a school.. The time was 17 hundreds or so.. I didn't get any exact date, maybe because she didn't ask it so specifically. She also made me meet my so called former persona. So I met this dark haired man with a tuxedo, who somehow didn't fit the whole countryside thing.. Maybe that was where he was born or then there were somehow two lives simultaneously surfacing. I don't know. I don't know if the man was my former incarnation or just a mind trick. He looked wily with his longish nose and rather sharp features but his character was not sneaky at all. He was gentle and smiling. My therapist asked us to exchange gifts or advice (wasn't quite sure what exactly she meant) and I got a little heart shaped diamond necklace. And I gave him a flower (fare? :D).

Anyways, that's what we got today.

Wednesday, 28 March 2012

Do you love your mother like I love mine?

Mine is right now in the hospital. So value yours!

P.S: She'd be okay though..

P.S.S: I still got scared (cried a bit) and realized how big of a part of me she is.

Thursday, 22 March 2012

Spring Equinox

I had no time to do anything but burn some candles. I burned black and a white candle. For the balance of polarities, obviously. :)

Sunday, 11 March 2012


Last Esbat I decided to do some scrying with my Tarot cards. I tried it with a chalice filled with water but didn't see anything. So I used the Tarot cards. I made a simple deck I learned when I was teenager and just getting familiar with Tarot. I lifted two cards for the past, two cards for the present and two cards for the future. They would form a triangle and the present being the upper peak.

My cards were:

Past: Justice and the Six of Cups

Justice represents balance and the Six of Cups reunion and nostalgia, also memories of the past. It seems that I'm in balance with the past.

Present: The Three of Swords and the Ten of Pentacles

The Three of Swords usually means disharmony, sorrow or pain, unhappiness or disturbance. Which is true in my case, if you read my post of astrology where I told you about my hearthache.
The Ten of Pentacles on the other hand is related to prosperity in all levels. "Richness" some say. Well I might say that I'm now "an experience richer" and a stronger person. This should also be a good time to search for a new job which pays well...

The Future: The Queen of Sword and the Ace of Wands

The Queen of Swords is about intellect, facts and logic. It's about the decision making with your brains rather than with your heart. It is a positive card, usually indicating that the person involved is able to this kind of decision making and also sees things clearly.

Ace of Wands deals with plenty of energy to go for whatever you it is that you want. It promises adventure and exciting endeavors. New projects. Especially this card calls for artists, visionaries, entepreneurs and such.

At least the future looks promising..

Moonlight shines down in distellar beams

How on earth the moon is so beautifull... Last night I had a dream. I was in Oulu, in the place where I spent my childhood. It was night. And fullmoon and I was there with some people. I knew I had to leave the group because I had to celebrate the Esbat. So I left. I walked the road beside the houses and fences and I can't even describe how beautifull the moon was. It was so bright. I was staring at it and a thought occured into my mind. I thought I could leave my body and go astral traveling and I closed my eyes but then fear stopped me. I was afraid that others might find me lying there on the ground and so they would find out I'm a witch! And that should never happen! I'd be screwed..

Actually my that fear is connected to my waking life. I'm about to move again. But now my landlady also lives in the same house and I don't think she'd be very pleased to find out what I actually am! She's an oldery lady, possibly a christian ('cause this city seems to be full of them!) and I gotta be extra cautious now. Especially with my books and stuff..

I regret that I took the house.. I didn't feel confortable in it in the first place.. Why did I take it? It's in the center and there's no nature..

Thursday, 1 March 2012

Some astrology

I've been looking forward for this spring for following reasons. I'm going to have some heavy transits and I'm willing to work myself as they come along. Transits are those, that describe one's current life situations.

First, I'm having Chiron square Sun. Chiron is an asteroid and it has to do with physical health as well as emotional.Chiron also has to do with one's own wounds or so called weak points (we all have them). Square is a challenging figure and it offers an opportunity for growth (as do the other challenging figures; Opposition and quincunx).

During Chiron square Sun (Sun represents You, The Ego) I've been fluish and and so on. But I've also been hurt emotionally. I was told by my - let's call her "friend" - how she could never ever fall for a girl who wears make up, is girly and very talkactive. So she basically gave a pretty accurate descreption of me. Though she didn't realize it and I know she didn't mean to hurt me. BUT.. When I got home I cried anyway. And it felt so good.

But I now resist even more strongly the temptation to be what somebody wants me to be (even though I haven't given into it I admit that it is one of my weak points, to look certain way..). My ASC is in Virgo. ASC also describes aspects of one's personality as well as appearance and the way how others see you. I think feeling "not-good-enough" is a Virgo-trait. I'm about to have Chiron opposing my ASC, so it's definately gonna bring some weak points to be healed. But I'm ready. I want to be loved as I am, not because I look certain way - neither do I want to be rejected just because I look certain way..

The saddest thing is that she (my friend) too is trying to fit in to somebody else's frame just as she want's somebody who fits into hers. But if she keeps living like that she's never gonna be really happy and loved. That's really sad. I'm not going to make that mistake.